Subconscious mind

Change your emotional habits and get over stressful times like a honey badger

This week has been one of those weeks.

Our internet cable literally broke down, the dryer must be fixed, and we have a roof construction going on in the house. The cleaning lady rescheduled. My little one started with a part-time nanny and I'm dealing with separation anxiety, probably more than the baby.

All the scheduling and rescheduling take time and so much energy!

People are coming in and out of the house all the time.

Men are climbing ladders outside my windows, looking in when I'm breastfeeding the baby in the living room or working in my office.

There is no privacy for the person who needs a lot of if and alone time to digest the world around me.

All this could drive me nuts. But, I'm not allowing it to happen.

I have seen this so, so many times and it’s time to take a different, healthier and happier route.

If I would let my emotions take the lead and start stressing, I give my power away and it all goes worse and it will take longer to get over it.

Eventually, I would burst the pressure to someone else, like we often do if we are not able to connect and feel our feelings, and that’s not right either.

Instead of losing my nerve and wasting my energy I observe and choose to respond and react to stressful emotions and chaos calmly with high self-awareness.

Our emotional reactions are learned habits.

We learn all the habits by repetition and by watching others. The way to change our habits is to turn inward and start making a difference. It’s very delicate but the impact in our life is huge: it’s the way to change your life and create new, better paths.

So I breathe, and consciously release the emotions of overwhelm and focus on getting through the week positively, taking care of things one by one and staying present in the moment.

I remind myself to stay centered and grounded like a honey badger. Honey badgers don’t care but focus on essentials, on what they want.

(If you haven't seen the narrated viral video about the crazy nastyass honey badgers, it's super funny. It tells something about my sense of humor. )

Also, laughing reduces the cortisol hormones in the body and calms down the sympathetic nervous system. Watch something funny or shake your ass when life gets too serious or you find it hard to calm down to meditate on it. Like kids in general, our inner child loves when we let loose and get playful.

It would be impossible for me to go through this week without other people’s help.

I appreciate the abundant amount of help. I appreciate help is available. All these people help our family enormously with their knowledge.

For a long time, it was really hard for me to ask for help from others.

I've always had this mentality of a super strong, over-functioning, independent Finnish woman who doesn't need anyone's help.

My old self was a kind of woman who can build her own house by herself if needed.

This is what one construction guy said to me years ago when he renovated my apartment in Helsinki after I showed him how the kitchen needed to be built. I wondered why I paid him as I could have done it myself.

I still remember how I felt inside that time.

After ending a 7-year relationship I felt completely lost, and my brain was scattered due to insomnia and the anxiety I suffered. I had no idea what I should do next in my life, so I tried to over-control everything I could and operated completely from my masculine side. I didn’t allowing myself to stop as I was so afraid of what I would need to face.

I was almost collapsing then but I pushed through. I managed to keep it together until I collapsed a year later.

It was then when I realized that I can't, and don't need to, try to survive on my own and do everything by myself.

I realized there are people who were actually able and willing to help me.

Little by little I started asking for more help in different areas of life.

Today it’s much easier for me as I’ve learned to ask for help and I know when I need to invest in myself and when my own resources are not enough. The most important thing is that I’ve learned to receive help.

As I’ve changed my behavior, I have noticed there’s abundance amount of helpful and kind people around me. All we need to do is to be open, reach out and ask for help.

Help is always showing up in a form or another. Sometimes it shows up as a person, in the form of group or company, a program, a book or online resource, or just a message that is pointing to the new direction.

Sometimes it asks courage to get over my fears to receive it and give myself an opportunity for growth and expansion. May it be personal health and wellbeing, family issue or my work and business.

Our level of self-worth measures the ability of receiving.

I believe we can learn to do pretty much anything successfully if we just put our energy and efforts in. I could still do all kind of things by myself but nowadays, if it’s not my cup of tea, I don’t want to.

I don’t need to know everything or do everything by myself, anymore.

It’s much easier to have set boundaries and focus on what we are best at and absolutely love to do. Let other people do use their expertise.

The most difficult part to getting over stressful emotions and moments is to learn to step out of your own resistant ego-mind and give yourself a permission to feel happy and good about yourself.

That can only happen when you are present and mindful about your thoughts, your feelings and the chatter of your ego-mind.

You have the power to change your reality and rise your energy by changing your emotional habits:

  • Watch and observe your emotional reactions and responses.

  • Get out from your own way and emotions.

  • Make changes consciously.

  • Choose to behave differently.

  • Repeat and learn.

Don’t worry if you don’t get it right immediately but be determined. Life will give you as many rounds of practice as needed, until you have changed the old pattern.

Help is available when life feels complicated and it's hard to see clearly what to do and where to go next.

Or your internet cable needs fixing.

What is the area of life that you could use some help with?

Much love,

Jenni

Free yourself from the self-limiting beliefs and habits

I was not different from other little girls when I was dreaming about being a ballet dancer at the age of five.

I’ve always been an aesthete, picky about the colors and clothes I put on, and I love flowing movement combined with everything beautiful.   

Last Spring I was in Nice, France for a long-awaited girls' weekend with my sister. On Sunday morning I went for a run on the beach promenade and on my way there I saw a gorgeous ballet tutu in a window.

I stopped to admire it and an old memory just popped up from nowhere.

I was born in a tiny village in the East of Finland and there were no proper ballet schools around.

I was living the dream when I heard a ballet teacher was on tour and would come to our suburb to teach a ballet course, and when my parents agreed, after a lot of convincing and stubborn begging, that I could go and they even bought me a simple white ballet tutu. I wore it at home all the time!  

I got to go to a couple of classes. Then the teacher disappeared.

Everyone was worried about her.

When the truth came out - she had left and stolen the money everyone had paid - it was a huge shock to our community and my family. There was a lot of hatred towards her.

I was devastated. I couldn’t believe how someone so nice, who was teaching and representing something so beautiful, could do that.

My father had to go to court to be a witness. I remember I was afraid that they would take him too! I didn’t understand the whole thing and no one was even trying to explain it to me. My parents didn’t understand how much it was affecting me.

It was my first huge disappointment and my first experience of betrayal and crime.

She smashed my dream and the whole experience left deep wounds in me. I never went to ballet classes.  

While this happened many decades ago, when I started working with it I found that these profound self-limiting beliefs were still someways affecting me.

When I got into it and did the work, I recognized the beliefs that were limiting me in many areas of life:

  • It’s not safe for me to trust people: anyone can take away my success and dreams.

  • I always need to be alert and in control to avoid disappointments and hurt.

  • Money is evil and causes a lot of trouble for everyone.

All this had caused procrastination, made me struggle with unworthiness, pushing myself forward and then pulling myself back before achieving my goals successfully.  

I couldn’t believe I still had these stories in me!

I had hidden this memory deep down until it suddenly triggered and only then could I eagerly start changing these harmful beliefs.

It all shifted quickly when I realized the connection, what caused it and how it made me think and act.

Old hurts and beliefs are not necessarily affecting you in similar situations to the way you experienced them.

Usually, they trigger in a different situation but one that is bringing up the same emotions.

These early memories and experiences keep us from getting and doing what we want, limiting our ability to naturally expand and take our life to the next level; start new things; change our habits and patterns; receive love, success, and abundance.

Therefore, releasing the emotional attachment of the old painful experiences is the key to changing our patterns and habits, setting ourselves free to create a life, relationships and career that we want.

There is always an explanation for it, we are not powerless against our self-beliefs or victims of our past: when you change your mind you can change your thoughts and habits.

To show you how to do this, download your free guide and learn the powerful and easy methods to Change Your Self-limiting Beliefs and Subconscious Blocks - and become free to take action to follow your real desires and goals.

Get your guide here.

Now I’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and experiences!

With love,

Jenni


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What to do when you hit your inner blockages

One of my favorite books about self-growth, that I always go back to, is Gay Hendricks' ‘The Big Leap’.

In this book he writes about our inner upper limits, those inner glass ceilings, that hold us back from reaching our Zone of Genius.

When we are operating in our Zone of Genius, we are shining and passionately doing what we absolutely love, and we are using our unique gifts and natural talents.

We all have special attributes that no one else has, but most people have no idea what they might be — and they believe they don’t have what they need within to fulfil their desires and passions. 

The foundation of happiness, success, and the basis of all the good in our lives is to do what you really want and need to do.

When you operate in YOUR zone of genius, you use your real potential

Usually you get into a flow mode when you are operating in your genius. Time doesn’t matter, you absolutely feel free and operate in a high, intensive energy mode.

The other three areas are called the Zone of Incompetence (things that are not your cup of tea but you still do them, even though you hate it), the Zone of Competence (things you can do and be good at but it’s not that exciting - if feels like something’s missing) and the Zone of Excellence (you are successful and have done the work to create it all but in the long run, you feel bored and like you are living on autopilot).

Wherever you are now, when you want to elevate to another level and make some changes — maybe a new career step; starting a new relationship; speaking on stage; writing a book; or making any of your long-term desires come true, or really anything that requires you to get over yourself — you have to be aware of inner resistance, which Gay calls an Upper Limit Problem.

Upper limits are your inner glass ceilings

Upper limit problems occur when we are making changes and expanding towards the new. They are the self-limiting stories, subconscious beliefs, and repeating patterns that — when triggered — quickly sabotage us from elevating our lives to the next level.

In his book, Gay calls these ULPs’ an inner thermometer. When the heat rises the thermometer blows.

I see them as and call them inner glass ceilings. These are invisible, unconscious mental and emotional limitations that can block your way to happiness and success — if you are not aware of them.

You can see through the glass to where you want to go, and to what you want, and you know you have what it takes.

But when the big moment of taking a step towards the goal arrives, somehow you just fail or something weird happens that prevents you from proceeding.

You suddenly get sick, there are problems with other people or another circumstance arises that stops you from moving forward. It can feel like higher powers are conspiring against you.

And that can make you think "It was not for me", "I can't do this", "It's too difficult" or "This always happens to me." and you want to give up all too soon. You see it as a sign that it’s not working.

But then is not the time to give up. Instead it’s time to understand and to learn why you got scared!

It’s time to turn inwards, to look back and connect with yourself internally and to see what is really going on with you: create clarity so that you can change it.

This is how subconscious patterns protect and keep you safe from failure or greater success. The reason why this happens is all based on your previous experiences and old, learned patterning.

The mind thinks there is “danger” in what you are aiming to do and subconsciously you believe it could cause similar pain, and bring up the old hurts you experienced in your past. It doesn’t necessarily have to be exactly the similar experience, it’s enough that it is triggering the same emotions.

Your mind’s job is to keep you safe and it does it in every way it can, even with self-sabotage and making you sick - if you are not aware of it.

Our mind doesn't like change, and earlier harmful experiences have created a safety zone that we would rather stay in, than take a risk and try to do it again.

Relationships are a great example. So many people want to find real love and have a balanced relationship but they can’t throw themselves into them - something always happens, things tend to end in the same way. Commitments are always risky but the rewards are great, right? And a good relationship with others and with ourselves requires constant care, growth, awareness, and communication.

How to release upper limits

  1. Look closer and deeper at the situation and within: there’s something you haven’t recognized. 

  2. Recover and take time to heal it, we all do our best: self-compassion and acceptance is needed.

  3. Work to release your inner fears and limiting beliefs: they will keep coming back until you change them.

  4. Don’t take no for an answer: find another way. 

  5. Time is irrelevant, don’t mind about delays; you can always try again. 

  6. Believe there’s a better time and a better way to get there: focus on the now and create possibilities from the inside out.  

With love and gratitude,
Jenni

P.S. Often the problems occur when we simply don’t have clarity on what the next steps are or if we are miss the big picture of what we want from life. To help you create clarity around your real desires, you can download my Connect with your future self meditation

 


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Are you repeating your parents' mistakes?

At the airport recently I was going to the gate alongside parents traveling with their two young boys. The elder boy was walking together with his parents, but the younger was peevish, staying behind and slowing everyone down.

He didn't want to go through security and therefore walked as slowly as possible to get his parents' attention.

Suddenly this five-year-old, who followed the rest of the family hugging his teddy bear, started crying out:

"You don't like me. Nobody likes me. You like Sam more than me."

Hearing him say this, sudden tears of compassion came to my eyes.

I understood so well how he felt.

The scene could have been lifted directly from my childhood, even the words he used were the same.

My cousin still teases me about the time when we visited her family. I woke everyone up during the night as I was crying out loud my 'nobody loves me' cry. No matter how much my mom comforted me, I had already formed a belief that I was not lovable at the age of four.

It was not my fault, nor was it my parents' fault. They didn’t know how to experience their feelings or how to teach me to experience mine. In the late 70’s and 80's, when I grew up, people were often not as emotionally or spiritually aware as we are today.

Also, there’s cultural patterns. I come from Finland and Finns are known as silent people who do not easily express any kind of emotion. Emotions were simply not talked about or expressed that much when I was a child.

They did their best, like most parents do.

There’s a reason why I’ve had to heal myself emotionally in this lifetime.

Sometimes, it only requires one sentence or one look, for the child to create a trauma; a harmful self-belief which can affect them for decades if it’s not released and changed.

In my case, I never really learned how to feel and deal with my emotions, fears, and feelings as a child.

I felt abandoned because I didn’t get the emotional response I needed from my parents.

As a little girl, I learned subconsciously that I needed to earn love.

I learned if I do a lot; become better; improve myself; and aim for perfection all the time, then I get approval. Then I am enough and I earn a reason to receive the love and approval I so craved. No one required me to do that. I did a lot of sports; was good at school; and had a full schedule when I was little. I thrived as a child, but as long as I can remember, I felt lonely.

Everyone thought I was ambitious and that’s why I was so hard on myself. They thought that was why I was so hard working and needed to constantly achieve something, to feel fulfilled. I never felt I’m “there” - nothing was enough.

Working hard, pleasing people and striving for perfection didn’t work out.

It didn’t wipe away the feelings of loneliness and fear of abandonment; or the fear that I don’t belong anywhere.

I repeated these cycles for decades, until I stepped on the path of self-love and approval and learned deep down the root cause of these feelings.

As an adult, my emotional wound - I’m not lovable as I am and love needs to be earned - made me work and push myself too much. It was so exhausting, I created unstable, abusive relationships, and I couldn’t really trust anyone enough; I still thought they would hurt or abandon me. All this made me create physical issues and self-sabotaging habits - it all comes from a confused mind and misleading beliefs.

Things have changed for me since and fortunately there’s a way for everyone to change these beliefs.

Emotional abandonment is one of the deepest wounds; and difficult to overcome.

We all have emotional wounds and so many of us believe we are not good enough to have and get what we really deserve and want - often very simple things.

We can repeat our family patterns from generation to generation until we put a stop to it. Any kind of suffering doesn't really run in a family - nor do most diseases.

It's not easy to change habits or behavior if you don't know what’s causing them or how to solve your issues at the root. But this self discovery is the only way to stop passing issues on to your kids; or repeating patterns in your own life.

That is your responsibility as a parent and you owe it to yourself too (same goes with relationships). If you repeatedly do something that you don't understand and don't like about yourself (maybe something your parents did to you) - there is a way to change it.

When working with clients, and on my own healing journey, I have found ways to heal and get over these painful patterns.

The tools I have found work best to help change habits are transformational hypnotherapy; energy healing work; and coaching.

Much love,

Jenni