Clarity

How To Make Confident Decisions

People would rather avoid making decisions (sometimes for years!) than think it through and face what they need to face. They don’t feel ready to make the decision that would take away all the pressure and move things forward quickly.

Indecisiveness is a very common habit. Yes, a habit.

It is based on self-doubt; insecurities; fear or lack of courage; and simply an inability to listen to the self and inner truth.

In more serious situations, it causes procrastination, anxiety, low self-image, addictions, and even suffering to others.

I remember when I was younger and hung out with my girlfriends. Together we discussed whether someone should send a text to her date or not; or if someone should stop dating a guy; or what that guy really meant by what he’d said. Or where the heck he disappeared to!

No one advised that we should just ask the guy, or even asked the girl what she thought would be the right thing for her to do.

And of course, it went on and on with almost everything: what to wear; or eat; what to do in life; and so forth. It was not really about giving empowering advice or allowing the one who was looking for help to decide for herself.

It was just endless comparison, which most often is based on the other person’s life views and experiences (often insecurities, jealousy, and disappointments). Usually, the one who everyone tried to help just felt more confused and indecisive.

Maybe you can relate to this?

The more people we ask, the more varying opinions we get. And the more lost we may feel.

Comparison destroys clarity and confidence.

What’s behind it

Often it’s a learned belief that others are more capable of making choices for them. Sometimes it’s a need to please and a conflicted way to earn love and acceptance.

Or they are afraid of judgment, of being seen as too bossy, ambitious, or powerful if they make confident decisions and know and express what they want.

There can be a deep fear of making mistakes or of failure.

However, we can fail and things can go terribly wrong just because decisions are not made early enough.

They feel they can gain more confidence and hide their insecurities by letting other people make decisions or listening to other’s opinions.

Some people struggle with making decisions because they don’t want to take responsibility for their lives and the results of their choices.

But no one else can make the right choices for you, no one knows better than you; it’s something you must do for yourself.

That’s why I usually advise that people only talk with someone who they trust and who will be wise enough to stay away from pushing their own opinions or agenda.

There’s a difference between helping someone to find their truth and telling them what they should do.

Letting other people make decisions for you means giving your power and control away.

Don’t give the lead in your life to others: everything in your life should be based on the choices you make.

With simple choices, it’s not that big a deal but with major life decisions, it’s dangerous.

Take initiative in your own life.  

Here are 10 key things I have learned about confidence:

1. Confidence is the ability to hear your ideas, thoughts, and feelings and trust them.

2. It is built through repeated acts of everyday courage to say yes and no.

3. It is an empowering feeling that replaces your existing habits of self-doubt and fear.

4. It’s not a fixed skill that some people have and some don’t. Everyone has fears and insecurities.

5. No problem or worry exists if you can do something about it. There are always solutions and possibilities. Trust and wait until you know.

6. When you change your behavior you change your mind(set), and your physics (energy) - those two things will start to change the situation.

7. Criticism, procrastination, self-doubt or victimizing all lead to lower confidence and decreased self-esteem.

8. Feelings are natural, but your behavior and thoughts are a choice - by changing your thoughts you can create more positive feelings.

9. Lack of clarity and self-control can feel like a confidence issue.

10. Practice your confidence and decision making skills by stopping shortly before you make any decisions. Ask yourself what is the right thing for you and then decide if it’s a YES or NO.

Sometimes “I don’t know” is a very good answer and you can take time until you know.  

Great decisions are always made when the heart, mind, and gut are connected.

Before you reach that point, quiet down and sit with yourself to get really clear on what you want and need:

  • What is the question you need an answer to?

  • How would you want things to go?

  • What are the options?

  • What feels right for you?

Recognize the feelings and fears. Are they really, absolutely true and worth holding on to? Stop listening to what the world says you should do. When you really think about it, you cannot know if your worst fear will come true, we cannot avoid risks.

Deep inside you know what you want.

Often the answer is an intuitive feeling, something that you have probably “known” all the time.

It’s okay if it feels a little intimidating, as that's when it’s usually right. Most often the best decisions come from doing the thing that scares you.

Nothing changes if you don’t change it. Life is unknown.

Expect the positive best outcome. Trust that everything always works for you.

Trust your gut and respect yourself by making your own decisions.  

To help you make the changes and decisions faster, I wanted to share my transformational, super relaxing courage boosting meditation that helps to reduce self-doubt and activate the perfect confidence you already have in you.

Click here to access this free meditation audio. To get more inspiration, join my weekly newsletter here.

Much love,

Jenni

How I dramatically changed my life with law of attraction (and met my soulmate)

Five years ago I had a big dream. 

My dream was to find a solid, truthfully loving, kind, and reliable partner. The one who would be my best friend, my partner in crime and as independent as I am but who would love togetherness as much as I do. 

I had been going through quite rough life experiences and painful relationships earlier that I felt timid to even dream about it. 

I seriously thought about sacrificing my life for humanitarian work, helping others, and living alone as a modern nun! 

At the age of 35, I was so broken that it sounded like a valid option for me. 

I had already jumped out from the corporate world and I was creating a purpose-driven business based on my values, intuition, desires and skills. I wanted nothing more than to find my true passions and do meaningful work. I was researching happiness, psychology, healing methods, and universal laws on how to lead and create life instead of drifting in life. 

I had realized that I was the one who had been standing my way, so I focused on healing my old emotional wounds holistically and re-connecting with myself again.

So I already took the responsibility of my experiences, my emotions and started releasing the old hurtful patterns that I had repeated for a long time. Not only in relationships but I had played small in all areas of life, being too afraid and too kind to start living on my own terms and be myself, as I had no idea how to even do it! 

I was literally living the Holstee Manifesto true, which I still have on my wall. 

My awareness grew rapidly, and I also started feeling more love. My love an appreciation towards everything grew exponentially, when I started to feel free and more of myself again.  

So much more that I started believing again that there would be someone, somewhere in the world, who was meant for me.

I set the stakes as high as all my new dreams - I determined that I’d rather live alone the rest of my life if I wouldn’t meet The One. 

Nevertheless, I didn’t run out to speed dates or started hunting anyone down, it didn't feel right. But I allowed myself to "meet someone anywhere anytime" like everyone were saying to me. I trusted the unknown, set intentions and I felt my visions daily. 

As I had already made some shifts before, and got the confirmation that it is be possible to create the bid leaps - make our desires true, rapidly. I had been able to create and attract good things into my life - my career, my amazing apartment, the way I got out from the business world, the finances, the yoga teacher training in Nicaragua (which was the first training on my new transformational journey) - and it had all been there, on my vision board, and I had used the power of my mind and intentions to manifest it. 

I had started believing, through my street-science research, that it is possible to lead our lives by shifting our energy, mindset, thoughts and focus - and create our reality from inside out. 

  • All that requires letting go of the struggling, pushing, and over-controlling. 
  • Also letting go of the how’s, how it all would happen, and focusing on creating the heart-based intentions. 

It was almost overwhelming to realize how powerful beings we really are, when we use our free will and make conscious choices and bring our hearts to it!

Things started to flow easily and effortlessly. Soon I was bursting love and also felt so lonely sometimes, but I kept feeling and believing in my visions. I knew I was ready to meet someone, I just didn’t know how and what should do I do about it.  

I wouldn’t have met my husband without the help of invisible forces, the guidance that I got from the unknown psychic astrologist. One night I saw her ad online and ordered a free reading just for fun.

It changed my life.  

Next day I got an email from her and she was guiding me what I needed to do in order to meet my soulmate. She was urging me to not to miss the opportunities that would be available for me shortly in two months.

Do more self-work, release your old beliefs about relationships, she said. And spent more time online, your first encounter will happen on a huge online service. She also said I’d win a large amount of money. 

There was doubt, for sure, as I couldn’t believe it would be possible to have something so good happening to me. But she seemed to know a lot of details about me without knowing anything about me. As I had nothing to lose, I decided to play, have fun, and get myself vulnerably out there.

I had not signed up for any large online dating sites as that didn't feel right either. My ex-boss had started an online dating startup, and she had created an account for me, but there were not that many people. So I didn’t do much more than detoxing my mind and spent more time online. That’s what I did anyway, so I forgot the whole thing! 

And so it happened. All my efforts were rewarded.

Four years ago, two months after I got that reading, we met online in between those specifics dates she wrote about. Exactly like she described; first online on that dating site, then in Facebook and then soon on a blind date. We lived only a few blocks away from each other. 

Our relationship developed smoothly and quickly, and he turned out to be exactly who I had been  looking for. 

Last weekend we celebrated our third wedding anniversary.

  • I have learned that communication, listening, and appreciation create the foundation for the relationship - starting from yourself. 
  • We can’t either ignore the mirror effect, that repeats in every human relationships: You get what you give and can learn a lot about yourself from what you see.
  • When you change yourself, others will change around you (I have witnessed this multiple times during my marriage). 

Dreamy, cheesy love-story but all true.

Since then I have created many more leaps - moving to New York almost three years ago was one of them.

It's called a leap when the desire happens fast, and pretty effortlessly and it's based on clear, heart-based intention. It's not a magic skill, it's simply about the energy and physics, the law of attraction.

We manifest everything, not only good things. It's much more fun to do it intentionally and enjoy the good results - this is what I call Self-Mastery - the way I live and many, many successful people live too. 

Learn all about this in practice, how to connect with your real passions and to start using these tools and visualization part of your life in my new online program: The Clarity - Journey to Self-Mastery.

Much love,
Jenni