Recently at the airport, I was going to the gate in the same group with the parents traveling with their two young boys. The older was walking together with his parents, but the younger was peevish, staying behind and slowing everyone down. He didn't want to go through the security and put all the brakes on to get his parents' attention.
Suddenly this five-year-old, who followed the rest of the family hugging his teddy bear, started crying out aloud:
"You don't like me. Nobody likes me. You like Sam more than me."
Hearing his sad self-judgement burst sudden tears of compassion in my eyes. I had to stop to wipe my tears in private.
The scene was right from my childhood, even the words he used were the same.
I understood so well how he felt!
My cousin still remembers to tease me about the times when I woke everyone up during the night as was crying my 'nobody likes me' cry. No matter how much my mom comforted me, I had already formed a belief that I was not good enough or lovable...
My parents didn't know where it came from nor how to handle it.
It was not my fault, nor it was my parents' fault. They did their best like the most parents do. They just didn't know a better way in the early 80's.
Sometimes, it does only require one sentence or one look, which is enough for the child to form a wrong self-image - it is just that easy.
In my case, I never really learned how to feel and deal with my emotions, fears, and feelings as a child.
Already as a little girl, I learned to think that if I do a lot, become better and improve myself and aim for perfection all the time, then I get approval, then I am enough and earn a reason to receive - the love and approval that I so lacked.
No one required me that.
As an adult, my emotional wound made me work and push myself too much, exhaust myself, create unstable, quite horrible relationships, and all kind of physical issues and patterns - it all comes from the confused mind and misleading beliefs.
Things have changed since and fortunately, we are much more aware of our emotional and spiritual sides.
Emotional abandonment is one of the deepest wounds and difficult to overcome.
We all have emotional wounds and so many of us believe we are not good enough to have and get what we really deserve and want - often very simple things.
We can repeat our family patterns and unhealthy growing methods from generation to generation until we put the stop for it. Any kind of suffering doesn't really run in a family - nor do most of the diseases.
It's not easy to change the behavior or parenting if you don't know and solve your own issues, which is the only way to stop forwarding them to your kids or repeating them in your own life.
That is your responsibility as a parent and you owe it to yourself too (same goes with the relationships): If you repeatably do something that you don't understand and don't like about in yourself (maybe something your parents did to you) - there is a way to change it.
Along the years, on my own healing journey, and working with my clients I have found many techniques how to get over these painful patterns.
One of them is transformational hypnotherapy. This unique method helped me to let go of the final bit of my "I am not enough" (healthy self-love) wound.
This is what my beautiful client Nancy says:
"When I sought help from Jenni I was feeling blocked in my ability to attract the perfect, joyful work for myself, as well as material abundance. I was curious about hypnotherapy and decided to work with Jenni because of her integrity and passion. I believe that the issues and blockages I dealt with have finally been released from me and are gone for good."
If you want to learn how you can release your painful issue, behavior or habit and stop repeating the same old, help is available. To know more what can you do: book your free 15-minute consultation here.
Talk to you soon.