People would rather avoid making decisions (sometimes for years!) than think it through and face what they need to face. They don’t feel ready to make the decision that would take away all the pressure and move things forward quickly.
Indecisiveness is a very common habit. Yes, a habit.
It is based on self-doubt; insecurities; fear or lack of courage; and simply an inability to listen to the self and inner truth.
In more serious situations, it causes procrastination, anxiety, low self-image, addictions, and even suffering to others.
I remember when I was younger and hung out with my girlfriends. Together we discussed whether someone should send a text to her date or not; or if someone should stop dating a guy; or what that guy really meant by what he’d said. Or where the heck he disappeared to!
No one advised that we should just ask the guy, or even asked the girl what she thought would be the right thing for her to do.
And of course, it went on and on with almost everything: what to wear; or eat; what to do in life; and so forth. It was not really about giving empowering advice or allowing the one who was looking for help to decide for herself.
It was just endless comparison, which most often is based on the other person’s life views and experiences (often insecurities, jealousy, and disappointments). Usually, the one who everyone tried to help just felt more confused and indecisive.
Maybe you can relate to this?
The more people we ask, the more varying opinions we get. And the more lost we may feel.
Comparison destroys clarity and confidence.
What’s behind it
Often it’s a learned belief that others are more capable of making choices for them. Sometimes it’s a need to please and a conflicted way to earn love and acceptance.
Or they are afraid of judgment, of being seen as too bossy, ambitious, or powerful if they make confident decisions and know and express what they want.
There can be a deep fear of making mistakes or of failure.
However, we can fail and things can go terribly wrong just because decisions are not made early enough.
They feel they can gain more confidence and hide their insecurities by letting other people make decisions or listening to other’s opinions.
Some people struggle with making decisions because they don’t want to take responsibility for their lives and the results of their choices.
But no one else can make the right choices for you, no one knows better than you; it’s something you must do for yourself.
That’s why I usually advise that people only talk with someone who they trust and who will be wise enough to stay away from pushing their own opinions or agenda.
There’s a difference between helping someone to find their truth and telling them what they should do.
Letting other people make decisions for you means giving your power and control away.
Don’t give the lead in your life to others: everything in your life should be based on the choices you make.
With simple choices, it’s not that big a deal but with major life decisions, it’s dangerous.
Take initiative in your own life.
Here are 10 key things I have learned about confidence:
1. Confidence is the ability to hear your ideas, thoughts, and feelings and trust them.
2. It is built through repeated acts of everyday courage to say yes and no.
3. It is an empowering feeling that replaces your existing habits of self-doubt and fear.
4. It’s not a fixed skill that some people have and some don’t. Everyone has fears and insecurities.
5. No problem or worry exists if you can do something about it. There are always solutions and possibilities. Trust and wait until you know.
6. When you change your behavior you change your mind(set), and your physics (energy) - those two things will start to change the situation.
7. Criticism, procrastination, self-doubt or victimizing all lead to lower confidence and decreased self-esteem.
8. Feelings are natural, but your behavior and thoughts are a choice - by changing your thoughts you can create more positive feelings.
9. Lack of clarity and self-control can feel like a confidence issue.
10. Practice your confidence and decision making skills by stopping shortly before you make any decisions. Ask yourself what is the right thing for you and then decide if it’s a YES or NO.
Sometimes “I don’t know” is a very good answer and you can take time until you know.
Great decisions are always made when the heart, mind, and gut are connected.
Before you reach that point, quiet down and sit with yourself to get really clear on what you want and need:
What is the question you need an answer to?
How would you want things to go?
What are the options?
What feels right for you?
Recognize the feelings and fears. Are they really, absolutely true and worth holding on to? Stop listening to what the world says you should do. When you really think about it, you cannot know if your worst fear will come true, we cannot avoid risks.
Deep inside you know what you want.
Often the answer is an intuitive feeling, something that you have probably “known” all the time.
It’s okay if it feels a little intimidating, as that's when it’s usually right. Most often the best decisions come from doing the thing that scares you.
Nothing changes if you don’t change it. Life is unknown.
Expect the positive best outcome. Trust that everything always works for you.
Trust your gut and respect yourself by making your own decisions.
To help you make the changes and decisions faster, I wanted to share my transformational, super relaxing courage boosting meditation that helps to reduce self-doubt and activate the perfect confidence you already have in you.